Sept. 11 will forever be Dear Utol (2025): WEEK 5 HIGHLIGHTS Episode 29remembered as the day close to 3,000 Americans were murdered, and Senator Ted Cruz faved a porn video on Twitter.

Many were shocked that Cruz, who once famously argued against solo masturbation, masturbated to anything besides the sound of his own voice on the Senate floor. Alas, it appears that the Senator has a long-suppressed interest in conservative "erotica," never seen before today.

As Ted knows better than anyone else, it's not the size of the government that matters, it's the width.

Here are what we believe are a few of his favorite porn titles.

1. Stroking the Keystone Pipeline

2.We The People of this Hot College Party

3. The 69th Amendment

4. Ayn Randy

5. Climax Change Isn't Real

6. The Pounding Fathers

7. Gangbang of Eight

8. Majority Whipped

9. "The Invisible Hand" job

10. Touch My Private Sector

11. Sexy Nurse Would Fellate You But Socialized Medicine Won't Pay for It

12. The Bicurious Princess Bride

13. The Founding Sugar Daddies

14. Campbell's Soupy Erotic Massage

15. FellaTED

16. Shut Down My Government Until I Say Mercy

17. Biblical Bulge

18.The Freedom Cockus

19. Hot College Cheerleader Shouldn't Get a Government Handout

20. Donald Does Dallas

*record scratch, freeze frame*

Yup. That's me. You might be wondering how I ended up here. pic.twitter.com/LTkx4dG6tS

— Brandt (@UrbanAchievr) October 6, 2016

21. The GOP: Grand Ol' Pussy Party

22. Cruzing for Monogamy

23. Fifty Shades of I'm Not Gay

23. Constitutional Cockservative

We apologize for the preceding list and hope you can forgive us.

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